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Untitled Document

CHUCKLES

This week, a compendium of wit, wisdom and neat stuff you can tell at parties. Enjoy!


Why did the chicken cross the road?

SARAH PALIN:  The chicken crossed the road because gosh-darn it, he's a maverick!

BARACK OBAMA:  The chicken crossed the road because it was time for change!
The chicken wanted change!

JOHN McCAIN:  My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

HILLARY CLINTON:  When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure right from Day One that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.

GEORGE W. BUSH:  We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

DICK CHENEY:  Where's my gun?

COLIN POWELL:  Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

BILL CLINTON:  I did not cross the road with that chicken. Define "road".

AL GORE:  I invented the chicken.

JOHN KERRY:  Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

AL SHARPTON:  Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.

DR. PHIL:  The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his current problems before adding new problems.

OPRAH:  Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a NEW CAR so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

ANDERSON COOPER, CNN:  We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

NANCY GRACE:  That chicken crossed the road because she's guilty! You can see it in her eyes and the way she walks.

PAT BUCHANAN:  To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART:  No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

DR SEUSS:  Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY:  To die in the rain, alone.

JERRY FALWELL:  Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth? That's why they call it the 'other side.' Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like 'the other side.' That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and simple as that.

GRANDPA:  In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS:  Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish it's lifelong dream of crossing the road.

ARISTOTLE: To actualize its potential. It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

JOHN LENNON:  Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

BILL GATES:  I have just released eChicken2010, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken2010. This new platform is much more stable and will never reboot. Of course, you will have to purchase Microsoft Road.
ALBERT EINSTEIN:  Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.  Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

LOUIS FARRAKHAN: The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken "crossed" the black man in order to trample him and keep him down.
 
SIGMUND FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned about why the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity. 

ROBERT FROST: To cross the road less traveled by.
 
SADDAM HUSSEIN: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping fifty tons of nerve gas on it.
 
DOUGLAS MacARTHUR: In order to return.
 
KARL MARX: To escape the bourgeois middle-class struggle. It was a historical inevitability.
 
JEAN-PAUL SARTRE: In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.
 
NAPOLEON BONAPARTE: Because invading Russia seemed like a good idea at the time. 

COLONEL SANDERS:  Did I miss one?

A Touching Story

A young Arab asks his father:

What is this weird hat that we are wearing?

It's a "chechia" because in the desert it protects our heads from the sun!

And what is this type of clothing that we are wearing?

It's a "djbellah" because in the desert it is very hot and it protects your body!

And what are these ugly shoes that we have on our feet?

These are "babouches," which keep us from burning our feet when in the desert !

Tell me, papa...

Yes, my son?

Why are we living in Detroit and still wearing all this crap?


See you all again next week, in the Chuckles Column!

Moo Shoo Club

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