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	CHUCKLES This week, a compendium of wit, wisdom and neat stuff you can tell at parties. Enjoy! Deer Camp Four guys have been going to the same deer camp for many years. Two days before the group is to leave, Ron's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going. Ron's friends are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do. Two days later the three get to the camping site only to find Ron sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and dinner cooking on the fire. "Dang man, how long you been here, and how did you talk your wife into letting you go?" "Well, I've been here since yesterday. Yesterday evening, I was sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said, 'Guess who?'" I pulled her hands off, and she was wearing a brand new nightie. She took my hand and pulled me to our bedroom. The room had candles and rose petals all over. On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes! She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed, and I did. And then she said, "Do whatever you want." So, Here I am.” Divine Golf Moses and Jesus were in a threesome playing golf one day. Moses pulled up to the tee and drove a long one. The ball landed in the fairway, but rolled directly toward a water hazard. Quickly Moses raised his club, the water parted and it rolled to the other side, safe and sound. Next, Jesus strolled up to the tee and hit a nice long one directly toward the same water hazard. It landed right in the center of the pond and kind of hovered over the water. Jesus casually walked out on the pond and chipped the ball onto the green. The third guy got up and randomly whacked the ball. It headed out over the fence and into oncoming traffic on a nearby street. It bounced off a truck and hit a nearby tree. From there, it bounced onto the roof of a shack close by and rolled down into the gutter, down the drain spout, out onto the fairway and straight toward the aforementioned pond. On the way to the pond, the ball hit a stone and bounced out over the water onto a lily pad, where it rested quietly. Suddenly a very large bullfrog jumped up on a lily pad and snatched the ball into his mouth. Just then an eagle swooped down and grabbed the frog and flew away. As they passed over the green, the frog squealed with fright and dropped the ball, which bounced right into the cup for a hole in one. Moses turned to Jesus and said, "I hate playing with your Dad." The Obstetrics Ward A pregnant woman gets in a car accident and falls into a deep coma. Asleep for nearly 6 months, when she wakes up she sees that she is no longer pregnant and frantically asks the doctor about her baby. The doctor replies, "Ma'am you had twins! a boy and a girl. Your brother came in and named them." The woman thinks to herself, "No, not my brother ... he's an idiot!" She asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's name?" "Denise," answers the doctor. "Wow, that's not a bad name, I like it!" she exclaims. "And what'sthe boy's name?" "Denephew," says the doctor. Senior Classified Ads FOXY LADY: Sexy, fashion-conscious blue-haired beauty, 80's, slim, 5'-4" (used to be 5-6), searching for sharp-looking, sharp-dressing companion. Matching white shoes and belt a plus. LONG-TERM COMMITMENT: Recent widow who has just buried fourth husband looking for someone to round out a six-unit plot. Dizziness, fainting, shortness of breath not a problem. SERENITY NOW: I am into solitude, long walks, sunrises, the ocean, yoga and meditation. If you are the silent type, let's get together, take our hearing aids out and enjoy quiet times. WINNING SMILE: Active grandmother with original teeth seeking a dedicated flosser to share rare steaks, corn on the cob and caramel candy. BEATLES OR STONES? I still like to rock, still like to cruise in my Camaro on Saturday nights and still like to play the air guitar. If you were a groovy chick, or are now a groovy hen, let's get together and listen to my boss collection of eight-track tapes. MEMORIES: I can usually remember Monday through Thursday. If you can remember Friday, Saturday and Sunday, let's put our two heads together. MINT CONDITION: Male, 1932, high mileage, good condition, some hair, many new parts including hip, knee, cornea, valves. Doesn't run but walks well. In These Troubled Times In support of the "let's lighten up" contingency, a little wisdom from the great philosopher, Theodor Giesel ... "My uncle ordered popovers from the restaurant's bill of fare And, when they were served, he regarded them with a penetrating stare ... Then he spoke great Words of Wisdom as he sat there on that chair: 'To eat these things,' said my uncle, 'you must exercise great care. You may swallow down what's solid ... BUT... you must spit out the air!' And... as you partake of the world's bill of fare that's darned good advice to follow. Do a lot of spitting out the hot air. And be careful what you swallow." - "My Uncle Terwilliger on the Art of Eating Popovers" By Theodor S. Giesel (a.k.a. Dr. Suess) Ecumenism A priest was called away for an emergency. Not wanting to leave the confessional unattended, he called his rabbi friend from across the street and asked him to cover for him. The rabbi told him he wouldn't know what to say, but the priest told him to come on over and he'd stay with him for a little bit and show him what to do. The rabbi comes and he and the priest are in the confessional. A few minutes later, a woman comes in and says, "Father forgive me for I have sinned." The priest asks "What did you do?" The woman says, "I committed adultery." Priest: "How many times?" Woman: "Three times." Priest: "Say two Hail Mary's, put $5 in the box and go and sin no more." A few minutes later a man enters the confessional. He says, "Father forgive me for I have sinned." Priest: "What did you do?" Man: "I committed adultery." Priest: "How many times?" Man: "Three times." Priest: "Say two Hail Mary's, put $5 in the box and go and sin no more." The rabbi tells the priest that he thinks he's got it so the priest leaves. A few minutes later another woman enters and says, "Father forgive me for I have sinned." Rabbi: "What did you do?" Woman: "I committed adultery." Rabbi: "How many times?" Woman: "Once." Rabbi: "Go do it two more times. We have a special this week, three for $5." Driver Safety While driving to town this morning on the Interstate, I looked over to my left and there was a woman in a brand new Mustang doing 65 miles per hour with her face up next to her rear view mirror putting on her eyeliner! I looked away for a couple seconds and when I looked back she was halfway over in my lane, still working on the makeup! It scared me so bad I dropped my electric shaver, which knocked the donut out of my other hand. In all the confusion of trying to straighten out the car using my knees against the steering wheel, it knocked my cellphone away from my other ear, which fell into the coffee between my legs and disconnected an important call! Watch out for women drivers! The Nun An old nun who was living in a convent next to a construction site noticed the coarse language of the workers and decided to spend some time with them to correct their ways. She decided she would take her lunch; sit with the workers; and talk with them. She put her sandwich in a brown bag and walked over to the spot where the men were eating. Sporting a big smile, she walked up to the group and asked: "And do you men know Jesus Christ?" They shook their heads and looked at each other ... very confused. One of the workers looked up into the steelworks and yelled out, "Anybody up there know Jesus Christ?" One of the steelworkers yelled down, "Why?" The worker yelled back, "'Cause his wife's here with his lunch." SEX AT 73! I just took a leaflet out of mymailbox, informing me that I can have sex at 73!   I'msooooo happy, because I live at unit 67...so it's not far to walk home afterwards! Technology Afterhaving dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, New York scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 100 years, and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephonenetwork more than 100 years ago. Not tobe outdone by the New Yorkers, in the weeks that followed, a California archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortlyafter, a story in the LA Times read: 'California archaeologists,finding traces of 200 year old copper wire, have concluded thattheir ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network a hundred years earlier than the New Yorkers.' One week later, The Pioneer Press, alocal newspaper in Minnesota, reported the following: Afterdigging as deep as 30 feet in his pasture near Embarass, Minnesota, Ole Olson, a self-taught archaeologist, reportedthat he found absolutely nothing. Ole has therefore concluded that 300 years ago, Minnesota had already gone wireless. Thank Heavens forOle.