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About This Here Economy The economy is so bad that. · I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail. The Hotel Bill Next time you think your hotel bill is too high, you might want to consider this: My wife and I are traveling by car from Victoria to Prince George. After almost eleven hours on the road, we were too tired to continue, and decide to take a room. But, we only planned to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road. When we checked out four hours later, the desk clerk hands us a bill for $350.00. I explode and demand to know why the charge is so high. I tell the clerk although it's a nice hotel the rooms certainly aren't worth $350.00 Then the clerk tells me that $350.00 is the 'standard rate.' I insisted on speaking to the Manager. The Manager appears, listens to me, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference centre that were available for us to use. "But we didn't use them.'' ‘Well, they are here, and you could have,' explains the Manager. He goes on to explain we could also have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. 'We have the best entertainers from New York, Hollywood, and Las Vegas perform here,' the Manager says. 'But we didn't go to any of those shows.' 'Well, we have them, and you could have,' the Manager replies. No matter what amenity the Manager mentions, I reply, 'But we didn't use it!' The Manager is unmoved, and eventually I gave up and agreed to pay. I write a check and give it to the Manager. The Manager is surprised when he looks at the cheque. 'But sir,' 'this check is only made out for $50.00.' ‘That's correct, as I charged you $300.00 for sleeping with my wife.' 'But I didn't!' exclaims the Manager. 'Well, too bad, she was here, and you could have.' A refuse collector in London, England, is driving along a street picking up the wheelie bins and emptying them into his compactor. He goes to one house where the bin hasn't been left out, and in the spirit of kindness, and after having a quick look about for the bin, he gets out of his truck goes to the front door and knocks. There's no answer. Being a kindly and conscientious bloke, he knocks again - much harder. "Gidday, mate! Where's ya bin?" asks the collector. "Listen," says the collector. "You're misunderstanding me. Where's your 'w h e e l l e' bin?'" An Observation . . . An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand pulling a male buffalo with the other. He says to the waiter, 'Want coffee.' The waiter says, 'Sure, Chief, coming right up.' He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee. The Indian drinks the coffee down in one gulp, turns and blasts the buffalo with the shotgun causing parts of the animal to splatter everywhere and then just walks out. The next morning the Indian returns. He has his shotgun in one hand, pulling another male buffalo with the other. He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter: 'Want coffee.' The waiter says 'Whoa, Tonto! We're still cleaning up your mess from yesterday. What was all that about, anyway?' The Indian smiles and proudly says ... 'Training for position as a Member of the United States Congress: Come in, drink coffee, shoot the bull, and leave mess for others to clean up, then disappear for rest of day.” Getting Old Two elderly women were eating breakfast in a restaurant one morning. Ethel noticed something funny about Mabel's ear and she said, "Mabel, do you know you've got a suppository in your left ear?" Mabel answered, "I have a suppository in my ear?" She pulled it out and stared at it. Then she said, "Ethel, I'm glad you saw this thing. Now I think I know where to find my hearing aid." I said, "Well, then why are you crying?" She said, "He makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favorite brownies and then makes love to me for half the afternoon." I said, "Well, why are you crying?" She said, "For dinner he makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favorite dessert and then makes love to me until 2:00 a.m." I said, "Well, why in the world would you be crying?" She said, "I can't remember where I live!" One day they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me. I know we've been friends for a long time.....but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is." Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?" The Six Truths of Life 1. You cannot stick your tongue out and look up at the ceiling at the same time. I apologize about this but I'm an idiot and I needed company. You now have 2 options ... throw this away or send it along to put a smile on someone's face today. Breaking News! To save the economy in 2010, the United States will start deporting all of the old people in order to lower Social Security and Medicare costs. I started crying - when I thought of you.
RUN, YOU OLD COOT, RUN! The Insurance Professional A man and his wife moved back home to South Dakota, from Ohio. The husband had a wooden leg, and to insure it back in Ohio cost them $2,000 per year! When they arrived in South Dakota, they went to an insurance agency to see how much it would cost to insure his wooden leg. The agent looked it up on the computer and said: '$39.' The husband was shocked and asked why it was so cheap here in South Dakota to insure it because it cost him $2,000 in Ohio! The insurance agent turned his computer screen to the couple and said, "Well, here it is on the screen, it says: Any wooden structure, with a sprinkler system above it, is $39.... You just have to know how to describe it!" |
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