Special Feature

December 3rd, 2009

The Perfect Gift for Christmas

I have conducted thousands of hours of research, spent time in numerous laboratories, all for the benefit of you, our reader. Through these efforts, we now offer the Perfect Gift for Christmas.

Christmas time means hustle and bustle, singing, laughing, playing, and generally working your buns off to pay the bills that accompany all that frivolity. All that Christmas hustle and bustle make a body hungry.

For starters, here's the perfect recipe for eliminating that hunger:

It's called . . . "Steak Lyle"

CAUTION! This steak has been rumored to be a powerful aphrodasiac!

a. First, you find yourself a cow. To save the time, cost, and mess of butchering that cow, you may want to go the nearest meat market and simply order up a Spencer Steak. In some areas, a Spencer Steak and a Ribeye Steak are one and the same.

b. Take this prime meat home to your kitchen. Using a sharp knife, make five or six slits on each side of the steak.

c. Into each of these incisions, wedge a goodly amount of crumbled bleu cheese.

d. When complete, rub ground pepper and salt, preferably Kosher or Sea Salt, into both sides of the steak.

e. Apply HP (House of Parliament) steak sauce to both sides and rub into the steak. (A-1 will work, but not as well.)

f. Apply steak to the grill. Sprinkle freshly ground rosemary on the top. Grill for several minutes, depending upon how rare you enjoy your steak. Medium rare is good. Well done is not. Well done is like shoe leather. If you enjoy your steak well done then simply pour crumbled bleu cheese, ground pepper, sea salt, HP sauce, and rosemary on your tongue. Say "mmmmmm." (You will have lost, unfortunately, all of the reputed aphrodasiac properties by employing this method. This may not sit well with your mate. Maybe you could fake it?)

g. Turn steak and apply rosemary to the top of the freshly turned steak. Cook a couple minutes more. (See instructions above about well done steaks). As the steak cooks, the crumbled bleu cheese melts and permeates the fibers of the steak, giving it a zesty taste you would not have expected.

h. Remove the grill. Plate. Let the steak sit for a few minutes.

i. Your dancing girls will by this time have prepared a fresh salad for you and opened a bottle of red wine. Merlot is good. So is Cabernet Sauvignon. I prefer to let my wine breathe. For about 30 seconds.

j. Serve salad, glass of wine. Make a toast. Preferably, to Lyle.

k. Enjoy Steak Lyle. (It is customary to bow down in my general direction upon taking the first bite. If, however, the reputed aphrodasiac qualities have kicked in, I can wait.)

This modest little recipe is but one that you will find in the The Perfect Gift for Christmas - and that, my friend, is “What’s Cooking in San Marcos,” the cookbook put out by the Kiwanis Club of San Marcos. The above recipe is found on page 147 of this 240 page book which is chock-full of recipes for appetizers, beverages, soups, salads, vegetables, side dishes, main dishes, breads, rolls, desserts, cookies and candies . . .as well as secret tips and tricks of the cookery trade.

As you, or the recipient of your Christmas gift, thumbs through this book . . . you’ll be tempted to get out the pots and pans and commence cooking!

Now, how to acquire one of these perfect Christmas gifts. Most any San Marcos Kiwanian will sell one to you at the unheard of low price of $15. The problem is, these Kiwanians are sometimes hard to spot. They don’t wear uniforms or anything. They look just like most any other civilian. To overcome this recognition problem, they have come up with several locations where you can go to buy them.

One, Minuteman Press, in San Marcos at 277 S Rancho Santa Fe Rd, Suite H, has an inventory.

To make it really, really easy to find and buy The Perfect Christmas Gift, two stunningly beautiful Kiwanis women will be selling them this Saturday from 10am till 2pm at the Woodland Parkway Albertson’s at 151 Woodland Parkway. Catherine Paris and Betty Parker will both be there, smiling prettily and with change available. Who knows? There may be even more Kiwanians there to help out. We may just have a Christmas Gift rush here!

We have a lot of recipes in this book . . .240 pages of recipes. The book is all indexed and if you look around you’ll see lots of names you know . . . and lots of great recipes.

Dean Rucker, head chef at the Gold Door Spa, kicked in a recipe for Arugula-Pistachio Pesto & Whole Grain Penne Pasta. Not to be outdone, the very clever Steve Kildoo offered up his recipe for Basil Pork Chops, while George Mickle countered with Bar-b-qued Turkey Steaks.

Hold on just a minute here! The women have a thing or two to say about cookery. Mary Limoges, for example, strutted her stuff with Chicken and Black Bean Guacamole Tostadas, while Linda Allen, hearing something about Black Beans, offered up Black Bean Chili.

“Shucks,” said Darrell Gentry, "that ain’t nuthin’ . . . you ain’t lived till you’ve had some of my ‘Pretty Amazin’ Corn Spice Cake’”

A whole host of San Marcos Kiwanians dashed into the discussion and offered up more delicacies. Wes and Kathy Rhine, for example, gave out their super secret recipe for Banana Bread, while Lynn Murphy outlined the magic formula for Bran Muffins. Catherine Paris insisted Beer Bread would steal the show while Carrie Clevers said, “I gotcha all beat. Just wait till you taste my Cinnamon Squiggles.” (These, she swears, will make kids of all ages behave properly in eager anticipation of getting Squiggles as a reward).

These San Marcos Kiwanians don’t do things half way. This book is neatly bound, well printed, large, easy to read typeface, well organized with different departments for different types and sizes of meals.

Personally, I think they are charging too little for the book. They’re selling it for $15 a copy and it compares with books that are selling for twice that. In addition to all the recipes the book has a lot of San Marcos history as well.

So, now you’ve been told. Unlimber that cobweb encrusted wallet, dig out $15 and buy yourself this cookbook. (And meet a couple of pretty Kiwanian ladies at the same time! 10am-2pm, this Saturday, Woodland Parkway Albertson’s, San Marcos.)