The Computer Buzz

April 23rd, 2009

Nome and Paul Van Middlesworth - owners - The Computer Factory
 

The Rainbow Computer Emporium

It's been over a year since we visited the Rainbow Computer Emporium and its long time owner "Cactus Jack." Cactus Jack's store sits in a grove of scrub oak at the dusty intersection of two county roads about a mile east of Rainbow. The store is a weather beaten old bunkhouse with a corrugated roof. A wooden porch runs the entire front of the building. The sign over the door reads, "If I ain't got it, you sure as hell don't need it."

Cactus is meaner than cat crap and treats everyone like dirt. Nome says listening to Jack talk is like watching your house burn down. She can't stand him but I find something refreshing about his complete negativity.

Cactus was rocking on the porch. I started to introduce us but Cactus Jack cut me off. "I remember who the hell you are. You're them flatlanders that's got a computer store down in San Marcos. Why ya here?"

"Well neighbor," I said cheerfully, "we were in the area and thought we'd drop by to see how you're doing." Jack pushed his sweat stained Stetson back and squinted at us. "Well I've got bad knees, hemorrhoids and a prostate the size of a grapefruit, but business ain't never been better."

"That's great Cactus, did you get some help?” I asked. "I've got plenty of help, I've got Gateway, Dell, HP and Compaq selling Chinese junk computers for me to fix, I've got thousands of geniuses making viruses and spy-ware for me to dig out of folks computers and everybody seems to have at least one relative or friend willing to screw up their PC fer em. I've got all the help I can handle."

"Are you still building new computers?" I asked. "Nope," said Cactus, "If my customers want a new one I just buy one of them $199 Great Quality computers from Fry's, scrape of the Fry's sticker and tell them it's the best there is."

"You must be joking Cactus,” I said in disbelief, "Those things are garbage, you be lying!"

Cactus slapped his hat on his leg and hooted, "well la-ti-da, welcome to the computers business," Jack continued, "HP and Gateway labeled their new PC's Vista Capable and they wasn't, Intel brung out the Pentium IV but didn't tell folks it was slower than the Pentium III. Dell says they got "award winning customer service but didn't tell nobody you gotta call India to git it? Fry's calls their cheapest stuff Great Quality. They must still be laughing about that one and don't even get me started on Microsoft or Apple."

Nome and I must have looked stunned. Cactus stood up and put his hands on our shoulders. "Look folks, I like you so I'll tell you the only thing you need to know to make it big in the computer business. The one who tells the biggest lie makes the most money."

Nome didn't say a word all the way home.