The Computer Buzz

October 23rd, 2008

Nome and Paul Van Middlesworth - owners - The Computer Factory
 

The Vista Recession

Cactus Jack, owner of "The Rainbow Computer Emporium" stopped by last week. We started talking about the economy and Cactus asked me what I thought caused the recession.

I told him that everyone knows the collapse of the housing market that triggered the financial meltdown was created by long standing federal policies that encouraged financial institutions to sell mortgages to people who couldn't afford to pay them back.

Cactus Jack snorted. "You sure are a Bambi when it comes to politics. Where you gittin your news, CNN or public television?"

"Actually I watch Fox news," I said. "What do you think caused the crisis?" I asked.

Jack leaned closer. The smell of cheap whisky and snuff filtering through his tobacco stained beard was overwhelming. "It's not what, it's who. Bill Gates started the whole mess."

Jack continued, "America was doing just fine, interest, unemployment and inflation was lower'n a snakes ass. Then Gates had Microsoft turn Vista loose in Jan. of 2007 and everything went to hell"

I was intrigued "how did Vista wreck the economy?"

"It started out slow. Businesses gave the newest computers with Vista to their best employees. Because Vista is slow and buggy, their productivity dropped like a rock. Management figured the employees must be staging a slowdown and fired em all. By the time management figured it out, all the experienced employees was fired the companies was in bankruptcy. That's when unemployment started to go up. The word was out that Vista was no good and big businesses stopped buying new PCs. Then it spread to home and small business users and they quit buyin. Dell, Gateway and HP/Compaq started layin off employees, Comp USA went boots up and Circuit City closed 150 stores. A lot of folks just couldn't make house payments. That Warren Buffet feller begged Gates to do something to help out. Gates promised to hire 90,000 new employees and he did. Problem was they was all in India, the Philippines and Indonesia."

"I had no idea," I said

"That ain't all," said Jack "In April this year Microsoft sent new computers to the royal families in Bahrain, Saudi Arabia and Dubai. When they got em they throwed the old uns out. Turns out that Vista was incompatible with the horse racing handicap program the royals used to make bets at all the racetracks around the world. The three royal families lost nearly 400 billion dollars at Asian racetracks in the first three weeks of April. Guess how they covered those losses"

"Raised the price of oil?" I ventured.

"Bingo," said Jack "Microsoft replaced Vista with XP in all the new OPEC PCs fast as they could but it was too little too late. The high price of oil finished the job and our economy was toast."

"So the Democrats and Republicans have been blaming each other and they're both wrong, amazing." I said.

"Yep" said Jack as he pulled a watch out of his vest pocket and tapped on the face. "Gotta go, its happy hour over at the "Cow Shed" on Mission. Don't wanna be late."