The Computer Buzz

May 22nd, 2008

Nome and Paul Van Middlesworth - owners - The Computer Factory
 

Cactus Jack Comes to Town

I spotted his dusty red pickup as he pulled up in front of our store. Nome looked up when "The Eyes of Texas" blared from the twin horns mounted on the cab's roof.

"Oh my God it's him," she screamed "I'll be in the bathroom for the rest of the day," she yelled over her shoulder as she brushed past me and headed for the back. Nome can't stand Cactus Jack.

Jack owns "The Rainbow Computer Emporium" located in the backcountry east of Rainbow. He keeps irregular store hours and abuses his customers every chance he gets. They keep coming back because he's the only computer store in the area. Nome and I stopped by a few years back just for curiosity sake. She detests him but I kind of admire the way he does things his own way and gets away with it.

Jack stepped through the door and looked around "whar's yer woman" he asked warily.

"Oh she's in the back room," I said casually.

"Just as well," he mumbled.

Short and stocky, Jack wore scuffed cowboy boots and grubby Levis with a Navajo beaded belt. A cowhide vest covered most of his dirty tee shirt. Jack's sun blasted face was twisted into a permanent scowl. His salt and pepper mustache drooped to a red neckerchief. An oversized sweat-stained ten gallon hat rode low on his brow barely above his squinty eyes. The not unpleasant aroma of liquor, tobacco and sweat preceded him by several paces. Jack is a man's man.

"What brings you to our humble store?" I asked pleasantly.

"Mostly my prostate," said Jack "whar's yer crapper."
When he returned he thanked me and said "I gotta git me a DVD burner from that junk store across the street."

“You mean Fry's? Aren't they a bit pricey?”

Jack cackled, "Not the way I do it. I buy it, take it out in the parking lot, tear it open, then take it back and say it don't work. They give me my money back, shrink-wrap it, knock ten bucks off the price and stick it back on the shelf. Then I go back and do it all over. When it gits down to half price I take it home."

"You sure know all the angles Jack," I said. “Are you building any PCs with Microsoft Vista yet?” I asked.

"Yep, all of em. Its cut my warranty expense down to nuthin. When any of my customers have a problem I just tell its Vista and give em Microsoft's customer service number. I never hear from em again."

“So you don't like Vista either?”I smiled

"Like it? I love it." Jack shouted, "Vista is gonna make me a wealthy man!"
"How do you figure?" I asked

"I'm putting together a class action lawsuit on behalf of every city that's got Vista in its name. There's over 500 of em. We're suing Microsoft for slander."

"I don't understand."

"What if somebody started packaging pig manure and labeled it "Lake San Marcos" or "Escondido?" Wouldn't that put a knot in your skivvies?" How do you think them people that lives in Vista feel about bein associated with a pile of crap like Microsoft Vista?"

"I guess I never thought about it that way," I said.

"Neither did Bill Gates but he's about to now." Jack slapped me on the back and said “Gotta go. Meetin with the Vista City Attorney for lunch, We'll be fishin from my new yacht this time next year."

Jack hit "The Eyes of Texas" as he backed out. Nome yelled from the back, "Is he gone yet?"