Desiree's Diary

April 24th, 2008

This is one of an occasional series of columns from Desiree,
who is serving an orphanage in the Republic of Uzbekistan, (formerly part of the USSR).
 

04-10-08

The kids love the new toys and though my suitcases were full of stuff for them, it seems it’s not enough, as many kids were left crying and asking for a toy – which was good in a way as a behavioral learning opportunity. We worked through the tears, anger, fits of frustration and alienation and even at clean-up time they all helped willingly. It was joy to watch them manipulate the toys each kid figuring out how to use it based on his or her own abilities. Some kids even helped others who couldn’t hold a particular toy or may not have understood how to play with it.

Of the 40 or so kids today, only about 3 could blow bubbles, but when they succeeded, the kids all jumped, cheered or clapped at the accomplishment. I learned early on not to stand in front of their bubble blowing efforts after being spat on by their less than triumphant attempts, although my reaction to being spat on also elicited equally pleasurable laughter from the kids.

The work is getting harder and I don’t know if it’s the economic crunch and stifling environment or if it’s me having to alter my paradigms. I struggled all this week with the endless suffering happening at the Q (orphanage). To see parents grieving their children, to hold grieving children, to see the cycle never ends, despite the best attempts. My heart heavy with sadness, I pondered why it had to be like this. Why a child born with a disability had to be rejected to a place of abuse and neglect? Why the mother had to suffer so in the abandoning of her child? Why do some of the workers get so angry that they beat the kids and withhold food? Why such a cruel circle of suffering?

After many pensive hours, it finally occurred to me that it was my philosophy that was off, not necessarily the suffering. Why would I expect there NOT to be suffering? Would it not be better that I continue to love, to walk with them, to shoulder some of their burden, to acknowledge the joys, the moments and celebrate the smiles. To show them love that surpasses understanding; if my dwelling is not founded on that, than the work is futile.

I think of blowing bubbles, the soap is in the ring and you blow with best intentions but may only get spit, so you dip it back in and try again and when those magical perfectly shaped bubbles glisten in the sun and float around it’s a delight filled with cheers and clapping; momentary it may be, a delight nonetheless. The expectation is not on the imminent demise of the bubble, but rather its presence. Is the celebration of life not infinitely more precious?

Desiree'

sponsored by Uzbekistan and Humanity, Inc
(in partnership with People International - www.GoPeople.org)

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Uzbekistan & Humanity Inc
Box 4224
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