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Daily Chuckle March 27th, 2008
Give Us This Day Our Daily Chuckle

This week, a
compendium of wit,
wisdom and neat stuff
you can tell at parties. Enjoy!

Obama Converts to Judaism Bold Attempt to Settle Religion Issue

Buffeted by criticism of his controversial Christian pastor while continuing to quell rumors that he is a Muslim, Sen. Barack Obama (D-Ill) took a bold step today to settle questions about his religious faith once and for all.

"I am converting to Judaism, effective immediately," Mr. Obama told reporters at a press conference in Scarsdale, New York, adding that he would change his middle name from "Hussein" to "Murray."

As a sign of commitment to his new faith, the Illinois Senator said that he anticipated being Bar Mitzvahed sometime between now and the crucial Pennsylvania primary and that he would no longer campaign on Saturdays.

In a subtle sign of the shift in his religious affiliation, Mr. Obama's signature catchphrase "Yes, we can," was nowhere to be found in his speech, replaced instead by "L'Chaim."

While some political observers praised Mr. Obama's conversion to Judaism as a shrewd tactic to put the issue of his religious identity to rest, the move raised the ire of one of his harshest critics, former Rep. Geraldine Ferraro.

"Barack Murray Obama wouldn't be in the position he's in if he wasn't Jewish," said Ms. Ferraro to herself.

Scam Artists

I hate it when people give bogus warnings, and I have even done it myself a couple times unintentionally ... but this one is real, and it's important. So please send this warning to everyone on your email list.

If someone comes to your front door saying they are checking for ticks due to the Spring weather and asks you to take your clothes off and spin around with your arms up ...

DO NOT DO IT! THIS IS A SCAM!

They only want to see you naked.

I wish I'd gotten this yesterday. I feel so stupid.

Circle Flies

Republican cowboy from Texas attends a social function where Hillary Clinton is attending and trying to gather more support for her nomination. Once she discovers the cowboy is a Republican, she starts to belittle him by talking in a southern drawl and single syllable words. As she was doing that, she kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around her head.

The cowboy says, "Y'all havin' some problem with them circle flies?"

She stopped talking and said, "Well yes, if that's what they're called. But I've never heard of circle flies."

"Well, ma'am," the cowboy replies, "circle flies hang around ranches. They're called circle flies because they're almost always found circling around the back end of a horse."

"Oh," Hillary replies as she goes back to rambling. But, a moment later she stops and bluntly asks, "Are you calling me a horse's ass?"

"No, ma'am," the cowboy replies, "I have too much respect for citizens of New York to call their Senator a horse's ass."

"That's a good thing," she responds and begins rambling on once more.

After a long pause, the cowboy, in his best Texas drawl says, "Hard to fool them flies though."

Modern Medicine

A Japanese doctor says, 'Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take a kidney out of one man, put it in another, and have him out looking for work in 6 weeks.'

A German doctor says, 'That is nothing. We can take a lung out of one person, put it in another, and have him out looking for work in four weeks.'

A British doctor says, 'In my country, medicine is so advanced that we can take half a heart out of one person, put it in another and have both of them out looking for work in two weeks.'

The American doctor, not to be outdone, interjected, 'You guys are way behind. We are about to take a woman with no brains, put her in the White House, and then half the country will be out looking for work in one week.'

Expense Statement:

10/4 Ad for female stenographer
$ 12.00
10/4 Violets for new stenographer
$ 15.00
10/6 Week's salary for new steno $300.00
10/9 Roses for new steno
$ 20.00
10/10 Candy for wife
$ 10.00
10/13 Lunch for new steno
$ 30.00
10/15 Week's salary for new steno $375.00
10/16 Movie tickets for wife/self
$ 14.00
10/18 Theatre tickests for steno/self
$ 75.00
10/19 Ice cream sundae for wife
$ 3.00
10/22 Amber's salary
$ 425.00
10/23 Champagne/dinner Mary/me
$ 125.00
10/25 Doctor for stupid steno
$ 900.00
10/26 Diamond necklace for wife $3000.00
10/28 Ad for male stenographer
$ 12.00

Total expenses for month $5316.00

Epilogue: This was given to me by a friend. Just to show how old it was . . . no one hires stenographers anymore; further, the starting salary in the story given me was $45.00 a week. The doctor was for $375 (presumably for an abortion; though how one would know they were in a position to have an abortion within 21 days escapes me). I tried to update it to somewhat modern rates of pay, though $300 a week is still quite low for a secretary.

 

 

 

 


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