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Daily Chuckle February 16, 2006


This week, a compendium of wit, wisdom and neat stuff
you can tell at parties.  Enjoy!

 

The Sport

The Sport

 

Saturday morning I got up early, put on my long johns, dressed quietly, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, slipped quietly into the garage to hook the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.

 

There was snow mixed with the rain and the wind was blowing 50 mph. I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad throughout the day.

 

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. There I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."

 

She sleepily replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that crap."

 

The Wild One

 

A young blonde woman decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience.  She mounts the horse, unassisted, and the horse immediately springs into action. As it gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway! The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider. Finally, losing her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot becomes entangled in the stirrup, and she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over and over. As her head is battered against the ground and she is mere moments away from unconsciousness, to her great fortune, Frank, the WalMart greeter, sees her and unplugs the horse.

 

The Norwegian Cowboy

 

Back in cowboy times, a westbound wagon train was lost and low on food. No other humans had been seen for days, and then the pioneers saw an old Norwegian sitting beneath a tree.

 

"Is there some place ahead where we can get food?"

 

"Vell, I tink so," the old man said, "but I wouldn't go up dat hill und down de udder side. Somevun tole me you'd run into a big bacon tree."

 

"A bacon tree?" asked the wagon train leader.

 

"Yah, a bacon tree. Vould I lie? Trust me. I vouldn't go dere."

 

The leader goes back and tells his people what the Norwegian said.

 

"So why did he say not to go there," a person asked. Other pioneers said, "Oh, you know those Norwegian people - they lie just for a joke."

 

So the wagon train goes up the hill and down the other side. Suddenly, Indians attack them from everywhere and massacre all except the leader who manages to escape and get back to the old Norwegian.

 

Near dead, the man shouts, "You fool! You sent us to our deaths! We followed your route, but there was no bacon tree, just hundreds of Indians who killed everyone but me."

 

The old Norwegian man holds up his hand and says, "Vait a minute." He quickly picks up an English-Norwegian dictionary and begins thumbing through it.

 

"Oof-da, I made such ah big mishtake! It vuzn't a bacon tree,

 

"it vuz a ham bush."

 

 

 

 

 

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