Always try to be modest.
And be damn proud of it!
A farmer was out
on his Welsh hillside tending his flock one day, when he saw a man drinking
with a cupped hand from the stream which ran down from one of his fields.
Realizing the danger, he shouted over to the man, "Paid a yfed y dwr! Mae'n ych-y-fi!" (Don't drink the
water. It's poisoned!)
The man at the
stream lifted his head and put a cupped hand to his ear shrugged his shoulders
at the farmer, and carried on drinking.
Realizing the man
at the stream couldn't hear him, the farmer
moved closer and again yelled, "Paid a yfed! Dwr ych-y-fi! Defaid yn cachu yn y dwr!"(Don't drink.
Water's poisoned. Sheep manure in the water.)
Still the man
couldn't hear the farmer.
Finally the farmer
walked right up to the man at the stream and
once again said,
"Dwr yn ych-y-fi! Paid a'i yfed!" (Water's poisoned. Don't drink it!)
dreadfully sorry, my good man, I couldn't understand a word you said. Can't you
speak English?" said the man at the stream in an extremely fine British
see..." said the farmer. "I was just saying, if you use both
hands you can get
much more each time."
To All The Girls We’ve Loved Before
Brigette Bardot 71
Stella Stevens 68
Sophia Loren 71
Deborah Kerr 94
Lena Horne 88
Kay Starr 83
Patti Page 78
Barbara Eden 71
Angie Dickenson 74
Doris Day 81
Joan Collins 72
Julie Christie 64
Leslie Caron 74
Carroll Baker 74
Debra Padget 72
Julie Andrews 70
Ursula Andress 69
Rita Moreno 74
Jean Simmons 76
Julie Newmar 72
Kim Novak 72
How in the
world did they get old and we didn’t?
I am a Man . . .
Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys
in the car, I will fiddle with a coat hanger long after hypothermia has set in.
Calling AAA is not an option. I will win.
Because I'm a man, when the car isn't
running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know
what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other,
"I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers
and everything, I wouldn't know where to start."
We will then drink a couple of beers
and break wind, as a form of holy communion.
Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold,
I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and
moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you, this is no
Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon
to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be
expected to find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu." For
all I know, these are the same thing.
Because I'm a man, when one of our
appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence
that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and
has to put it back together.
Because I'm a man, I must hold the
television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been
misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it . . . though one time I was
able to survive by holding a calculator . . . (applies to engineers mainly).
Because I'm a man, there is no need to
ask me what I' m thinking about. The true answer is always either sex, cars,
sex, sports or sex. I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't
Because I'm a man, I do not want to
visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she
calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for
Mother's Day is okay; I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick up
something for my mother, too.
Because I'm a man, you don't have to
ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I
didn't ... and if you are feeling amorous afterwards ... then I will certainly
at least remember the name and recommend it to others.
Because I'm a man, I think what you're
wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine,
too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine.
Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?
Because I'm a man, and this is, after
all, the year 2006, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the
laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do
the rest ... like wandering around in the garden with a beer wondering what to
been a public service message for women to better understand men. Good luck !