This week, a compendium of wit,
wisdom and neat stuff
you can tell at parties. Enjoy!
An attorney was sitting in his office late one night, when the Devil
appeared before him
was sitting in his office late one night, when the Devil appeared before him.
told the lawyer, "I have a proposition for you. You can win every case you
try, for the rest of your life. Your clients will adore you, your colleagues
will stand in awe of you, and you will make embarrassing sums of money. All I
want in exchange is your soul, your wife's soul, your children's souls, the
souls of your parents, grandparents, and parents-in-law, and the souls of all
of your friends and law partners."
thought about this for a moment, then asked, "So,
what's the catch?"
of Kindness . . .
A man and his wife
are awakened at in the morning by
a loud pounding on the door.
The man gets up
and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is
asking for a push.
chance," says the husband, "it is in the
morning!" He slams the door and returns to bed.
that?" asked his wife.
"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.
"Did you help
him?" she asks.
"No, I did
not, it is in the morning
and it is pouring out there!"
have a short memory," says his wife."Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down and
those two guys helped us?I think you
should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!"
does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain. He calls
out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"
comes back the answer.
you still need a push?" calls out the husband.
please!" comes the reply from the dark.
are you?" asks the husband.
here on the swing!" replies the drunk.
Ole & Lena
Ole says, "Lena, I bought a condominium." Lena
says, "Oh good, den I can throw away my diagram."
Ole runs into his bedroom and wakes up Lena: "Lena, a
burglar just came running out of our house. Did he get anything?" Lena
says, "Oh yah, but only because I thought he was you."
Ole says, "I want to be buried at sea, but only because
Lena says she's gonna dance on my grave."
Ole tells Sven he has eight kids, all boys. Sven says,
"So, ya got a boy every time." Ole says,
"Oh, no, sometimes we didn't get anyt'ing."
Sven says, "Ole, you should pull down your shades. Last
night I could see you and Lena goin' at it." Ole
laughs, "The joke's on you, Sven. I wasn't even home last night."
Lena says, "My specialties are meatballs and peach
pie." Ole says, "So which one is dis?"
Ole tells Lena, "Look at dis
antique coin I bought. It's over two t'ousand years
old. See de date right dere, it says '83 B.C.'"
Lena brags about her sons, "Yah, dey're both pilots. De other guys shovel out de
manure and my sons pile it."
Lena says, "Ole, are you working hard?" Ole
laughs, "No, I'm really puttin' one over on de
boss. I've been carrying de same load of cement up and down stairs all day