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Daily Chuckle January 5, 2006


This week, a compendium of wit, wisdom and neat stuff
you can tell at parties.  Enjoy!

 

An attorney was sitting in his office late one night, when the Devil appeared before him

An attorney was sitting in his office late one night, when the Devil appeared before him.

 

The Devil told the lawyer, "I have a proposition for you. You can win every case you try, for the rest of your life. Your clients will adore you, your colleagues will stand in awe of you, and you will make embarrassing sums of money. All I want in exchange is your soul, your wife's soul, your children's souls, the souls of your parents, grandparents, and parents-in-law, and the souls of all of your friends and law partners."

The lawyer thought about this for a moment, then asked, "So, what's the catch?"

 

A Cup of Kindness . . .

 

A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o'clock in the morning by a loud pounding on the door.

 

The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.

 

Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3 o'clock in the morning!" He slams the door and returns to bed.

 

Who was that?" asked his wife.

 

"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.

 

"Did you help him?" she asks.

 

"No, I did not, it is 3 o'clock in the morning and it is pouring out there!"

 

"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife.  "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down and those two guys helped us?  I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!"

 

The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain. He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"

 

"Yes" comes back the answer.

 

"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.

 

"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.

 

"Where are you?" asks the husband.

 

"Over here on the swing!" replies the drunk.

 

The Norwegians,

Ole & Lena

 

Ole says, "Lena, I bought a condominium." Lena says, "Oh good, den I can throw away my diagram."

 

Ole runs into his bedroom and wakes up Lena: "Lena, a burglar just came running out of our house. Did he get anything?" Lena says, "Oh yah, but only because I thought he was you."

 

Ole says, "I want to be buried at sea, but only because Lena says she's gonna dance on my grave."

 

Ole tells Sven he has eight kids, all boys. Sven says, "So, ya got a boy every time." Ole says, "Oh, no, sometimes we didn't get anyt'ing."

 

Sven says, "Ole, you should pull down your shades. Last night I could see you and Lena goin' at it." Ole laughs, "The joke's on you, Sven. I wasn't even home last night."

 

Lena says, "My specialties are meatballs and peach pie." Ole says, "So which one is dis?"

 

Ole tells Lena, "Look at dis antique coin I bought. It's over two t'ousand years old. See de date right dere, it says '83 B.C.'"

 

Lena brags about her sons, "Yah, dey're both pilots. De other guys shovel out de manure and my sons pile it."

 

Lena says, "Ole, are you working hard?" Ole laughs, "No, I'm really puttin' one over on de boss. I've been carrying de same load of cement up and down stairs all day long."

 

 

 

 


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